Gym Jokes / Humor

You think the term “musclebound freak” is high praise.
While discussing the intricate biochemical processes
that occur during a steroid cycle with non-bodybuilders,
they think you have a degree in chemistry.
You have firsthand knowledge of which supplements will ”
make your shit green.”
You take so many supplements your urine glows in the dark.
You know that a “Swiss Ball” is not a dancing extravaganza in Switzerland.
You have experimented with various drink and protein powder mixes until you found one that didn’t make you gag.
You’ve ever taken a bucket to the gym “just in case I barf after 20 rep squats.”
You are a woman with a voice that sounds eerily like Lieutenant Worf’s from Star Trek: Next Generation. (a definite steroid tip-off)
You’ve ever counted “reps” while masturbating.
You have ever calculated the protein, carb, fat ratio of ramen noodles. (Ok, so this is You Might Be A BROKE Bodybuilder If…)
You have ever used the terms “carbo loading”, “insuiln spike”, and “donuts” in the same sentence.
You think putting chalk on your hands and putting baby powder on your thighs looks “cool.”
You can name 10 other competition-level bodybuilders other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno and Steve Reeves.
You think it’s quite possible that creatine monohydrate was inspired by the Holy Ghost.
You obsess over whether your body is “in ketosis.”
You think that “feeling the burn” is almost as good as, if not better than, sex.
You use the CAE stack to “get ripped” instead of a bottle of Aftershock.
You think “tone” is strictly for singers and musicians.
You use the term “bulking up” instead of “gaining weight.”
You’ve ever smeared goop all over you that turns you into a healthy, deep shade of orange. (Okay, this is You Might Be A COMPETITIVE Bodybuilder If…)
In The Zone - Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as “spaced out.”
Extended Warm-Up - 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.
Just One More Rep” - Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: “Lift the weight for me.”
Forced Reps - For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.
Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he?s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.
Can I work in with you?” - Translation: “Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?”
Drop Sets - What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.
Bulking Up - Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.
I?m maxing out” - Translation: “I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1.”
Cool-down - Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more you?ll lift next time.
Olympic Bar - Athlete?s nightclub.
E-Z Bar - “How dare you! I?m not that type of bar.”
Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.
It?s all you!” - Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: “It?s mostly me.”
Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.
Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.
Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, it?s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.
High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.
Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you?re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.
Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds” - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.

How do Columbians develop muscle?
By pushing drugs….
Gold’s Gym was robbed last week, that’s the last time they recommend free weights.
Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
He wanted to get ripped to shreds.
What do you call a Bodybuilder with major acne?
Flecks Wheeler.
ZOMBIE BODYBUILDER DOES THE DEADLIFT
Randy bodybuilders do reps in the morning and company reps in the evening.
Who invented the lat pulldown? An unknown Latvian.
Two Bodybuilders were having a fight outside a nightclub
one of them tore off a car exhaust pipe and tried to ram it down the throat of the other builder “This is what I call
the pre-exhaust principle.”
Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted? Because he was squatting.
A Bodybuilder said to a reporter,”Would you like to see my traps?” And the reporter said”yes”. So he took him down to his cellar and pushed him down a trapdoor.
How many bodybuilders does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six.
One to change it and the other 5 to yell out ‘you look fucking huge dude!’

Thank You

In The Zone - Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as "spaced out."
Extended Warm-Up - 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.
"Just One More Rep" - Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: "Lift the weight for me."
Forced Reps - For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.
Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he’s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.
"Can I work in with you?" - Translation: "Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?"
Drop Sets - What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.
Bulking Up - Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.
"I’m maxing out" - Translation: "I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1."
Cool-down - Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more you’ll lift next time.
Olympic Bar - Athlete’s nightclub.
E-Z Bar - "How dare you! I’m not that type of bar."
Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.
"It’s all you!" - Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: "It’s mostly me."
Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.
Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.
Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, it’s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.
High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.
Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you’re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.
"Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds" - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.